


Acts of Processing

by silasfinch



Series: Acts of Faith [5]
Category: Saving Hope
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Gen, Headcanon, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 02:50:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11750520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: Season 5 had so many intriguing moments for Maggie - my excuse to get in her headWanted to use this phrase:"You Are A Sanctimonious Idiot"





	Acts of Processing

**Acts of Processing.**

 

What you want to say is: I Love You

 

Your defenses when it comes to Sydney Katz are not very high.

 

You are attracted to all versions of Sydney Katz; you adored her even at her weakest and vulnerable points. When she is snappish and cold, refusing to concede to any social niceties.

 

However, the 2017 version of Syd is something else entirely. This Syd looks like she is willing to kiss you in front of the entire hospital if you wanted her to do such a display. You are confident she would date you in a heartbeat even if you went nowhere but Crab shack for a year, no sacrifice is too great or too small.

 

You call her different but what you want to say is beautiful and stunning.

 

It terrifies you, but you aren't the type of person people make bold declarations for, the kind of person people pine for years for, Alex has cornered that market.

 

Your efforts at internet dating can barely summon up enough interest to focus on you.

 

Heck, the closest connection you felt recently is to an incredibly sick cancer patient with a devoted if slightly deluded girlfriend.

 

Of course Syd neatly side steps your efforts to be casual, to offer dinner and reacquaintance. The woman is pathologically incapable of doing casual; she instead tangles up your heart with beautiful words and sincerity.

 

Maybe that is the real nature of the 'Israeli Disposition' - a poet in the guise of a doctor.

 

Your fate is sealed when she kisses you it just takes awhile for you to catch on.

 

What you want to say is: I Am Not Strong Enough.

 

You aren't remotely prepared for Hurricane Katz Season. Naturally, the entire hospital is soon aware both of her return and her seeming campaign to win your affection back.

 

Everybody seems to be on her side too; you can feel their silent judgment every time you avoid her on increasingly feeble grounds.

 

You feel sorry, about not reading her every message, but you can mainly avoid your conscience by avoiding your phone and surrounding yourself in Alex's grief and the endless number of tasks that best friends assume.

 

It doesn't stop you from being ensnared in Syd's web even if it is by proxy.

 

Jackson reports that Sydney is consulting on some high-level cases and overseeing the disciplining of a troubled register which is in danger of burning out.

 

Billy comments in his highly casual way that Syd is volunteering to cover and some shifts and is even contributing to the Staff Social Fund; as well as giving him excellent advice on honing his stitching technique with newborns.

 

In what you are sure is a breach of confidentiality Shahir reports that Syd has inquired about joining the hospital's LGBT group that meets every month.

 

She is out then, no hiding anymore.

 

What you want to say is: Marry Me, Sydney Katz

 

You shouldn't. It is a ridiculous knee jerk reaction to a tide of emotion caused by Martha's death and Syd's reemergence in your life.

 

You are reasonably confident Sydney is planning on spending the next few hours kissing you in this beautiful spot by the lake. You have no objection in principle, but you as Alex's best friend are expected to attend the ceremony.

 

It still takes a mammoth effort to pull back.

 

"Worth the wait for a Christmas present?" Sydney asked jokingly

 

"Make up for failing to adhere to the Jewish Dating Handbook?" you return.

 

By way of answering Sydney just pulls you into another kiss and working her devious fingers under your top.

 

"Want to be my date to a fusion ash's ceremony that may or may not violates local council statutes?" you asked more than a little breathlessly.

 

"Only if you take me home afterward and don't make any plans for the next 24 hours."

 

"Deal"

 

What you want to say is: Have Faith in Me and Us

 

Sydney seems to have faith in everything but us.

 

It hurts so much that she is so surprised that you are willing to consider a move to London. You can almost see the career objections lurking in her eyes; she looks prepared to echo all of Alex’s concerns and many of her own.

 

Does she not know that you would reconstruct your world around her?

How is such a notion any different from all the changes she is willing to make? Including visiting night clubs.

 

You wait for the doubts to begin.

 

Instead, she laughs and kisses you – willingly agreeing to the bigger bed. Her words of love and joy make your heart swell.

 

You resolve to spend the next weeks fostering that hope in whatever ways you can think of, not excluding a ceremony, If she will have you.

  

What you want to say is: You Are A Sanctimonious Idiot

 

As always with Sydney, language seems to abandon you just when you need it most.

 

You can see the agony in the other doctor’s eyes. Sydney is not taking this lightly. The scrub mask does nothing to hide her suffering; the harsh lights reflect unshed tears.

 

Why did she have to be such a martyr convinced of her righteousness?

 

Why did she have to believe in a false parallel between you and the Storms of all people?

 

You doubt that Erica obsesses over the merits of various blanket stuffings.

 

You suspect Dr. Storme does not find time to perfect his wife’s biscuit recipe.

 

None of that matters now and all you can do is pretend dignity and wait until you get home to cry.

 

You will be the best OBGYN that you can!

 

You will make Dr. Katz proud even though she has broken your heart for the final time.

 

 

What you want to say is: Don't Ever Leave Me.

 

She is essentially proposing to you in the middle of the airport, so your confidence is high but doubts still linger.

 

What stops you is that you have too much to organize in the next few hours to celebrate properly.

 

You carefully fold Syd’s love letter and grin as she refuses to let you move more than a few inches away as if you are her greatest joy incarnate.

 

“I’ll be back in 10 minutes” you promise but your fingers remain trapped.

 

“ I Promise we can pick this up again shortly” you try again.

 

Sydney merely trails you – touching you on whatever area is available, and within reach, the loose shirt was a great choice.

  

Moments of affirmation.

 

 

What you want to say is: Let's go to the registry office tomorrow

 

 

Sometimes you are half afraid that your life with Syd is a dream, and that you will wake back in Canada.

 

Similarly, you are worried that something will magic this ring off your finger.

 

If only you could stand up without seeing double

 

Seeing double Syd is never a bad thing, but people may object if you can’t make it down the path.

 

You are disappointed but not surprised that you are still too sick to celebrate. You make Syd ask yet again just to hear the words and see the joy on her face.

 

“You beat me to it!” You complain after a hacking cough.

 

“I know,” Syd said smugly, and she kisses away your pout.

 

“There is nothing to stop us from having more than one proposal. I would not be averse to claiming you in public” which should be possessive but comes across as gentle and absolute.

 

“Do you have an opinion on flash mobs?”

 

“No, we are not doing that, never.”

 

“What about scavenger hunts?” you propose teasingly.

 

“Medical hunt?”

 

You laugh “My fiancée is such a geek.”

 

What you want to say is: How dare you hurt my wife?

 

Sydney is crying over the 'return to sender' letter that arrived today.

 

You will never fully forgive or understand her parents. It will always be an impasse between you. Sydney is so forgiving that it makes every blow they deliver to her all the more heartbreaking to watch.

 

The worst of it is you are often lulled into a false sense of security; they don't disinvite you to family celebrations. They don't comment when Syd casually kisses you. They are even willing to read the papers Syd sends them.

 

However, their tolerance does not stand up to the slightest breeze or challenge. One wrong word from a member of the community and it is back to square one and their wall of denial.

 

Tolerance is a far cry from acceptance. Nothing exemplifies this more than today.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Katz refuse to acknowledge their future grandchildren or the daughter in law that is carrying them. They send back the neatly packed stack of ultrasound photos that Syd agonized over for days. They decline all invitations to the ceremonies that will be held for the boys. Mrs. Katz even goes so far as to ask that the twins not be added to the elaborate family tree that they don't quite have the courage to demand back.

 

You cannot comfort her in this, so you leave her in Gabriel’s sure hands. The bookstore owner and community scholar have the language for this, and if that fails, he is ready with mountains of baked goods. While he is letting her cry and repeating his and others acceptance, you fume in the room that will be the nursery.

 

"Do you want me to disown them? I will" Becca seems to be genuinely angry across the miles that separate them.

 

"No that will only make S feel worse, Thanks for the offer though." Maggie is confident Becca will do it, she is a stubborn Katz through and through.

 

"I will try and talk to them once Hershel's impossible family leave" Becca promises in her carefully grammatically correct texts.

 

Sydney is genuinely delighted to be keeping up a firm if distant correspondence with her ex-fiancee and his new wife, who are having infertility problems.

 

His family is not pleased with the match. Hershel, inspired by Syd, had married for love. His wife a single mother and late convert to the faith. His family indirectly blame the Katz parents for not controlling a spirited daughter.

 

"That must be fun for you both" Maggie texts back automatically feeling calmer.

 

"I am hiding in Aaron's room." the whimsical confession is accompanied by a selfie

 

Sydney is silent as she comes into the room and curls up beside you on the sofa, smiling at the photos Becca is sending you in rapid fire.

 

This storm is passing for now.

 

 

What you want to say is: Pinch Me

 

You are exhausted, beyond any previous definition of the word.

 

You believed you have a good technical understanding of why giving birth to twins is a draining process. Why you can barely keep your eyes open, If questioned you would be able to rattle off a comprehensive picture of labour but nothing can prepare you for the physical act of feeling like you ran back to back marathons on no training,

 

"Hey Mumma, you doing ok there?"

 

You haven't made any firm decisions about what the children will call you both, but it still sounds incredible hearing Syd says the words. She is sitting beside you with a carefully swaddled twin in each arm like it is the most natural thing in the world. She is just finishing spamming your family members with photos, knowing her they will be a mixture of ecstatic and precise.

 

The naming ceremony for the boys is taking place this Friday.

 

Sydney is also monitoring your vital signs and eying you for complications. However, she is wise enough to do so silently, and in a superhuman feat of endurance, she is silent when the nurses and interns do their rounds, even when interns butcher your IV.

 

"Am I dreaming or are those our babies?" you ask sleepily, not entirely free of the first rate medication provided. You would be half convinced that this a mirage if not for the blood and the catheter.

 

"No, my love, they are very much ours all 3 pounds of them" Sydney reassured with a laugh.

 

"They both have your hair." there is an entirely unjustified note of triumph in your voice as if you oversaw the genetic mixing.

 

Sydney gently stroked each son's crown where the downy hair is peeking out.

 

"For now but you know phenotypes take a while to stabilize. Don't get too disappointed if they start to change." Sydney warned playfully.

 

"I can't wait to raise these children with you" you are in danger of falling asleep again, but it seems important to get this point across.

 

 

Sydney carefully and reluctantly returns the boys to their cots beside you and takes the opportunity to snuggle beside you, tucking her small frame meticulously around the various machines.

 

Your Pulse- Ox, and BP immediately start to stabilize.

 

"This moment is the embodiment of all my dreams and hopes," Syd says the most romantic things, even though she does not mean them to be. They are simply statements of facts, much like the fact you are now a family of four.

 

The best project by far.

 

Your Family.


End file.
